Good Memories, Bad Dreams
by D.W. Vean
Summary: After School Reunion the Doctor has a nightmare.


I didn't get a beta, no time. The plot bunny bit and it bit hard. In fact, I may need a bandage…

This story takes place right after School Reunion and includes spoilers for the 4th Doctor episodes "Genesis of the Daleks" and "The Ark in Space" It helps if you have seen all said episodes.

I don't own Doctor Who. This story contains some dialogue straight from "Genesis of the Daleks" and "The Ark in Space" I don't own it, I didn't come up with it.

No copyright infringement intended. Doctor Who belongs to the BBC.

The Doctor was lying on a sofa in front of the fireplace of the TARDIS library.

His head rested upon his hands, which were folded behind his head. He was thinking.

How wonderful it had been to see Sarah Jane agian. He'd always had a soft spot for Sarah. In his third incarnation he'd felt very protective of her, not that she'd ever admit to wanting protection. Yes, ol' fancy pants had actually felt a bit fatherly towards Sarah.

In his fourth incarnation he'd never given much thought to the feelings of his companions. He'd cared for them of course, but if they wandered off and got into trouble while he was busy saving the day with one of his brilliant plans, well it got a bit tiresome having to take the time to rescue them. Of course, if rescuing them meant he got to show off his dazzling intelligence and wit, well that was different.

Still, although he wasn't much good at showing it, his fourth incarnation had cared more deeply for Sarah than his previous self ever had. She wasn't just some silly helpless human, like the one who pressed all the wrong buttons and stepped in giant clams, she was brave and resourceful, and he'd considered her his best friend.

The Doctor closed his eyes and smiled to himself, they'd had some times together. He remembered the time she'd crawled through that tiny little tunnel on Nerva Beacon. She'd got herself stuck halfway through, and she started to panic.

"_Oh stop whining," he'd said, with a sly grin on his face, "stupid useless girl." _

_If anything got Sarah moving it was the suggestion that wasn't up to the task at hand, especially when it was implied that she was unsuitable for the task simply because she was a female. _

His smile widened as he recalled a time when a fellow companion from Sarah's time, Harry, had done just that.

"_Sarah," he'd said, "can you hear me old girl?" Sarah had been semi-concious following a brief lack of oxygen, all Harry's fault of course. _

_She'd opened her eyes at his inquiry, "Harry," she'd murmured as he leaned in closer, "Call me old girl again…and I'll spit in your eye."_

Those two were quite a pair and could get into arguments but he'd been grateful to have them both along on many occasions.

_The Doctor was sleeping now, recalling the adventures that they'd had together. They'd gone so many places and so many different times, Earth's distant future, Karn, her own present day earth, Voga, Skaro…_

_Skaro._

The smile on the sleeping Doctor's face fell and he frowned. There was a hitch in his breathing as his dreams slowly became darker.

_He was in an underground bunker and all around him were sounds of slimy flesh shifting around in containers, octopus like creatures that were the infant stage of what were soon to become the very first Daleks._

_The sickening sounds made his skin crawl, and although he was wearing his habitual coat and wool scarf, he was cold._

_In each hand, he held a wire. There was nothing particularly special about these two wires. He was always wiring things together, in the TARDIS to make repairs, on spaceships about to self destruct, red wires, blue wires, black wires, brown wires, orange wires, he'd held them all in his hands at one point or another._

_But never before had two wires made his hands shake the way they were shaking now. Never before had he held two wires, that when touched to one another, could end an entire race before it had even begun._

The sleeping Doctor shifted in his sleep, bringing his hands from behind his head. He was still frowning, more deeply than before, and his hands were twitching, almost as if he were grasping something between the thumb and pointer finger of each hand.

_Sarah was there. She was crouched next to him._

_His hands were shaking so badly he didn't know now if he could manage to touch the ends of the wires to each other. _

_He turned to Sarah. "Just touch these two strands together, and the Daleks are finished. Have I that right?"_

_With a look of disbelief Sarah replied, "To destroy the Daleks? You can't doubt it!"_

"_But I do! You see, some things could be better with the Daleks. Many future worlds will become allies just because of their fear of the Daleks…But the final responsibility is mine, and mine alone."_

The sleeping Doctor shifted again, his dark brown hair now even darker with sweat. His hands were still shaking, and his fingertips were white where both hands met, as though he were desperately trying to connect the wires he'd held in his hands so long ago.

_Sarah leaned in towards the Doctor, 'We're talking about the Daleks, the most evil creatures ever invented. You **must** destroy them! You must complete your mission for the Time Lords!"_

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Rose was walking down the TARDIS hallway towards her room when, passing the library, she felt what could only be described as a friendly but insistent nudge towards the library doors. She stopped, had that strange feeling been from the TARDIS?

As she stood there, hesitating, she heard a strangled sob from behind the library doors, and she rushed towards them.

----------

Inside the library, the sleeping Doctor was curled up into a ball. His hands no longer twitched in purposeful movement, they were clenched into fists. His knuckles were white from the strain but tiny rivulets of dark red blood trailed across his wrists from where his fingernails were cutting deep into his palms.

_The Doctor looked again at the wires in his hands, and realized that he simply could not bring himself to put them together. Still, he repeated, "Have I the right?"_

Rose opened the library doors and saw the Doctor, obviously in the grip of a nightmare. She went over to him. He was curled up into a ball, hands clenched into fists and pressed forcefully to his forehead as though he were trying desperately to block something from memory. His wrists were stained with blood and he was shaking with almost silent sobs.

Rose moved quickly to kneel by the Doctor. "Doctor," she said, her voice quiet, "it's allright." She gently put her hands on his fists and lowered them slowly from his face. It was wet with sweat and tears.

"You're allright Doctor, it's just a dream. You're allright…"

The Doctor's hands relaxed and slowly he stopped shaking. Rose took the Doctor's hands in hers.

_The terrible sounds of infant Daleks faded away, as did the wires in his hands. Instead of wires he now felt comforting warmth there. He found himself drifting through space and heard the voice of his fourth incarnation. "I know that although the Daleks will create havoc and destruction for millions of years, out of their evil must come something good."_


End file.
